How? How, damn it.

I keep repeating these words, all these things because I can’t help it, I practically expect it from myself. That’s “who I am”. And truly, I think that’s what I want to be.

But how the hell does it work. It’s not working for me. Someone who’s as low, how? How did you pick yourself up? How, damn it, I’m running to my wit’s end, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take.